What would you tell your 21 year old self?

A dear friend recently reached out to what she referred to as her ‘brains trust’ and asked us all the age old question of ‘What would you tell your 21 year old self?’

She was preparing for her sons 21st birthday and wanted to collect the wisdom of the people that she valued so that she could share it with her son.

After I recovered from the overwhelming sense of warmth and blessing to be included in this important process I just could not help but take it very seriously.

As I started to write my ideas down I realised that these are the messages that I wanted to ensure my children knew from the earliest age possible. I wanted them to grow with a knowing, even if not in words, but within themselves of the ideas and concepts that are important for us all to understand about ourselves, life, relationships and the way the world can work sometimes.

I know that the beautiful friend who has asked us all to compile this wisdom for her son had been instilling all the ideas I could offer already into the hearts and minds of her children since birth. And really the ritual of his 21st birthday was a moment to say out loud what she had already taught them with her ever loving presence in their lives.

There is nothing new here. These are just reminders that we all need from time to time. Sometimes daily depending upon what is happening in our lives.

Dear 21 year old Katrina, please listen to the following wisdom,

1.     No matter where you are, who you are with or whatever experience you are having; the most important thing is the relationship you are having with yourself. You can be watching a beautiful sunset in Spain or sitting watching the telly here in Australia and you will not feel connected to anything wonderful or beautiful if you are not connected to your own authentic self.

2.     Always be humble and know your place. We can’t know what we don’t know until we know it and that is completely ok. Its ok to be a learner.

3.     If you ever say or do anything that hurts another person (this means you are human as we all do this) then the most important step that must be taken is to REPAIR any harm that has taken place. For every rupture there needs to be a repair. When we don’t make amends and repair the harm we have caused then we leave a gap, a disconnection between you and the other person. That’s what saying sorry and doing all you can to repair what’s happened is all about. It’s not about beating yourself up about what you have done. It is about creating opportunities for you to RECONNECT to that person again. So that you both will enjoy the safety, fun and joy that comes with being authentically connected again.

4.     People will hurt you. They may be partners, lovers, friends, family or work colleagues. The most important first step to take is to ground yourself, look after your feelings and know that they are hurting you because they are hurt themselves. You are not responsible for fixing anyone. That is their job and their responsibility. This may be the most important lesson you have to learn in this life time.

5.     From time to time it’s a good idea to do a personal audit. A check in with your feelings. Am I still carrying around any hurt from the past that I need to look after? And if you feel anything is still resting in your body (that’s where we store our hurt feelings) then you can look after those feelings, give them the attention they deserve and go on and live a much happier life with more emotional freedom which we all deserve.

6.     Boundaries, boundaries, BOUNDARIES!!! Learn about them, use them and you will be truly free.  

7.     If you are ever sad or scared, let it out and tell someone who can help. When we don’t find ways to release our heavy feelings; then they find their own way out. Usually as anger either towards yourself or others.

8.     Every moment is TRULY precious. I learnt this after working with over 400 deaths. It taught me that we honestly never know which moment is our last and that every… single … moment .. is really, really precious. So do all you can to breathe life in and soak up all the good stuff that life can offer.

9.     Money is neither good nor bad. Its neutral. It only becomes tricky when we define ourselves by how much we have. We can all get lost in that sometimes.

10.  Time does not heal anything it just passes by. It’s what you do with that time that matters.

11.  Be self focussed. It is not selfish to do so. Live each day with an awareness of what your body, mind and soul needs.

12.  In relationships; love is not the most important thing at all. The most important thing is your capacity to nurture your partner and their capacity to nurture you. Same goes for parenting.

13.  The only person who makes your world go around is you. Others may come and go but you will be your own constant. Working out what this means for all of us is something that is part of life. Hopefully it means that we nurture our mind, body and soul and understand that the best offering you have to others is to be consistent in your acts of kindness toward them.

14.  You can do and be anything you wish to be. You are truly beautiful as a person and physically too. Enjoy the delights and miracle that your body, mind and soul offers you.

15.  Know that you are love. You don’t have to learn to love yourself.

Wishing you a wonderful life Katrina, Love your older self xxx